In July 2010, I married the love of my life, and what a true blessing he is. Our first year of marriage was challenging, but it laid a pretty good foundation to what we've become. In July 2011, I started experiencing some medical symptoms that completely threw me for a loop... I had severe night sweats, loss of concentration, tingling in my hands/feet, extreme fatigue, anxiety issues (including panic attacks), and depression. I was misdiagnosed for four months with Lyme disease, Tuberculosis, Anxiety, and Severe Sinusitis until my doctor finally discovered in November 2011 that I had developed hypothyroidism (which does run in my family). Justin was a saint through this emotional rollercoaster ride. Though very treatable, the symptoms had magnified and my TSH levels were so out of whack it took me getting on medication immediately. Several Endocrinologists and medication adjustments later, I started going to Carolina Advanced Health and was able to get the right regimen for me. My PCP took time to experiment with my medicine until we realized what would balance out my TSH levels and I have been on the right track for a couple of years now... and no anxiety meds are needed!
After getting my thyroid leveled out, my husband and I decided that we wanted to start a family. It was vital to ensure that my TSH levels were stable as it could cause issues with fetal development, so my PCP took time to counsel and provide me with research materials so I could make sure we were prepared before taking the plunge. In September 2012, we decided we were "ready" to try... it only took a few months and we confirmed our good news January 2013! Things were going wonderfully... We had OB visits at 6 weeks and 8 weeks to confirm our pregnancy, where we heard the strong heartbeat of our little miracle. We told our family when we were 6 weeks pregnant by surprising my parents with "late" Christmas gifts and we told Justin's parents by giving his dad a birthday gift of wrapped onesies. Everyone was ecstatic and it was such a blessing.
Extremely excited and eager to spill the beans to the rest of the world, we decided to wait until we could clear the first trimester, as that's the most vulnerable period of development. At our 12 week visit, we were on cloud 9... But then life took an unexpected turn. The physician that we saw that day decided instead of doing the fetal doppler, she wanted to go ahead and do the sonogram. After all, it was our 12 week visit, and who wouldn't want to see their baby instead of just hear the heartbeat!? With it being our routine 12 week appointment, and making it this far, we really didn't expect to encounter what we did, but instead of seeing a vibrant baby in utero, we discovered that our sweet child had gone to be with The Lord. I will never forget this moment. The doctor placed her hand on my knee and said, "I'm sorry honey, but I think you've had a miscarriage." The doctor left the room and brought in another physician, who confirmed that terrible news. It was such a heartbreaking experience. To go from having strong heartbeats to nothing in just a matter of time. March 7, 2013 was one of the most devastating days of my life. My sweet baby passed at 9 weeks and I carried him/her all the way to 12 weeks. How could this happen? How could our sweet baby go from having a strong heartbeat to being lifeless? Why did The Lord allow this to happen? How could I have carried a lifeless baby for three weeks and my body not know? So many questions filled my head.
The true devastation came the next day, March 8, 2013, when I had to go into the operating room for a D&C. To go from being pregnant to not in just minutes broke me to pieces. I tried seeing the good in all of this, but I was so torn. My world was shattered. But I also experienced such peace, knowing that my baby was in the arms of Jesus. As I was standing in line to register for my procedure at the hospital, I looked up my K-Love Scripture of the Day that just happened to be John 10:10. "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I come that they may have life and have it abundantly." As tears streamed down my face, I knew The Lord was still in control, and He would use this for good - somehow. The entire staff at Rex Hospital was amazing and did not handle the situation lightly. They held me as I cried and they were so sincere to help during my grieving moments. I will never forget Dr. Watson standing beside me just as they began my anesthetics in the operating room and saying "I'll see you on the other side of this."
The following days were hard, but I quickly wanted normalcy back in my life. I knew that sitting around crying about everything wouldn't bring my baby back, so I decided to go back to work the following Monday, just three days after my procedure. My colleagues didn't even know I was pregnant, so I thought I could handle jumping back into things. I did pretty well, even though I had my moments and even had times I had to walk away to cry. I eventually found myself telling some people as it was my way of mourning and handling the situation. After about 6 weeks, I was doing really well. However, on the way to my 6-week post-op appointment, I got into my first car accident. Why in the world was this dark cloud surrounding every aspect of my life!? I cried, but I got over it.
Shortly after experiencing hardship after hardship, the rainbow came. The Lord proved his grace! After realizing that God's timing was perfect, I decided to apply for a job that I had been trying to get into for quite some time. I interviewed and was offered the position. Things were looking up! Not long after accepting this promotion, God showed his mercy yet again. I was pregnant!
Just as the doctor stated that she would see me on the other side of this... she did! On January 27, 2014, Dr. Watson delivered our sweet miracle, Grady William Kimak at 9:05 PM.
The Lord has definitely opened my heart to see His goodness through all of my life experiences. He made me experience moments of weakness to bring me back to Him. I truly believe that he allowed me to have hypothyroidism and those horrific symptoms to take my heart and mind off of myself and learn to trust in Him. I know he allowed my miscarriage to provide me with greater blessings like a new job so we could be better prepared to welcome our miracle on January 27, 2014.
Though it was hard, I wouldn't trade this life for anything. God continues to prove true. He does use your weaknesses to make you stronger and He has shown me that I cannot walk this life without Him. I am grateful for life's blessings, even though they sometimes bring pain and suffering. God is great! His remarkable goodness is shown each day, and I can see that more and more in the eyes of the miracle I was recently given.
